In the future we'll all be gay
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
