he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
