Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The struggles of a small town man whore
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
