Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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