Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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