How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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