He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just blew my weed a kiss
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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