i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Are we still banned from the library?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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