You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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