I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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