hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
