I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
