An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize