I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
