are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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