can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
