it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
