We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
