Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Vodka?
Forever.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
