Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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