We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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