non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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