No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
