I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
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We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
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You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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