final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
