Can i not drive my cunt home
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
