How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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