Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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