Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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