I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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