non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i came on her dog
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
