They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
