textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
