So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
