they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
