i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
