Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
