i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
