Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
