epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
