if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
