Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
