I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
