I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
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i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
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If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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