I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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