we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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