You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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