Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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