Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
