He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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