Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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