it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
whose parrot is this?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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