Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
