I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
