By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
