i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
