They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize