maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
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After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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