Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
