If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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