when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
