Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
