I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize