just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
