dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
