My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
