oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
