tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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