To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
