Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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