Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
