Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
