I want to make a zoo with you.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
