Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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