We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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