why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
