so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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