Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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