ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
