Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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