Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
