he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
